Slumber Party

In the first season of Beverly Hills 90210, Brenda decides to throw a slumber party for her best girlfriends on a Friday night. Brenda assures Kelly, her best friend (and now and again royal b*tch), that it’s not really a juvenile slumber party at all since it will be all about female bonding and to please, please, please come.

Lo and behold, Kelly shows up, and so does Donna (total tag-along), and Andrea (Brenda’s twin brother Brandon’s nerdy fantasy woman). Problem is another girl, a stuck-up upperclassman named Amanda, wants to take Kelly to a college party that night. Kelly admits that she has a prior commitment to Brenda’s slumber party and that Amanda is welcome to come. Amanda looks at Kelly like she’s a garbage man and walks away. (Conflict!)

By nightfall all the girls are in their jammies, consisting of oversized men’s shirts with underwear (tip of the cap to the costume designer), and pigging out on ice cream. Then Amanda shows up in a blazer and silk shirt buttoned up to her larynx. (Gasp!)

Amanda pulls Kelly aside and says she’ll only stay a little while because (and I’m paraphrasing here), this bullsh*t is for children and she’d rather get drunk and knocked up by a frat boy than stay at this fucking cr*p.

Brenda, being a new innocent import to Beverly Hills from Minnesota, sees Amanda talking to Kelly and offers Amanda some ice cream. Amanda replies that, duh, she’s on a diet. (Harrumph!)

After hesitating for a few minutes, Amanda finally joins the ladies in Brenda’s living room. Andrea whips out a Ouija board and asks if anyone wants to channel a dead spirit. Amanda rolls her eyes. Andrea suggests trying to contact her dead grandmother. (Brilliant!)

Everyone puts their hands on the Ouija board dial and the spirit immediately whisks it around the alphabet board. It spells out “I A-M H-E-R-E.” Just then a flash of light comes in from outside the living room window. (Grandma??)

Turns out it’s actually David, a freshman peeping Tom with a flash camera. They all shout and shoo him away. Real smooth, David.

When everyone settles down a bit, Amanda decides it’s time for a real game called “Skeletons in the closet.” One person is chosen to sit in the middle and all the others are allowed to ask that person any disgusting question they want. The person has to answer, or else.

They start by putting Kelly on the hot seat. Andrea wants to know what her first sexual experience was. (Hello!) Kelly tells them about Steve, one of the least liked boy snob characters on the show, and how they did it when they were together. Kelly is unenthusiastic recollecting it. The girls giggle. Then Amanda prods further, “But what about your real first time?” Kelly then, sadly describes her being practically raped by a football player her freshman year “BNJ” (Before Nose Job). Everyone is shocked, except for Amanda who has an evil smirk on her face. (Gulp!)

One by one everyone gets put on the hot seat, except Amanda who finally bolts, but accidentally leaves her purse behind. Upon finding it, Donna knocks Amanda’s purse over and diet pills fall out like a hail storm. Amanda comes back only to see her big secret spilled all over the floor. She accuses them of going through her personal sh*t, but then admits she used to be blimp-sized and that she is only mean because the pills make her mean.

The girls tell her she needs help. Amanda agrees and says she'll stay overnight. (That was easy!) They even offer her a bowl of ice cream and she accepts! (Thank heavens!)

Who doesn’t love a teenage dramedy from 1991?

Ouija board clip. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.